why did I do it?

Ok so in June I went on holidays with my best friend, and I didn't ask him to come for this reason, it just happened, but the feelings that I used to have for him flared up while we were away, so I took the chance to test the boundaries of our friendship, to see if there was anything between us, or if I should just give up, I should have given up, the feelings weren't really there on either side, I don't know what it was. I found out yesterday that this had made him uncomfortable, and now he doesn't really want to have anything to do with me any more. He's been distant with me since we got back, but I thought it was because he got a new girlfriend not long after we got back, but he told me that it was because of how I acted. I feel sick with myself, I should never have done this. The one reason that I didn't act on the feelings I thought I had any time before June was because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, he meant to much to me to loose, but I've gone and blown it and lost him. I want to kick myself, go back to June and scream at myself, but I can't, and now I'm stuck with a hole where my best friend used to be, and it's killing me. I used him for support more than he ever knew, when things piled up on me, he was the one I would go to, to chat to.

And the ironic thing? If this was happening with anyone else he would be the one I'd be talking it through with, not here, but I suppose I'm gonna have to get used to this. I don't think I can fix this, and if I could I wouldn't know how. So I suppose all I can say is thank you for the years that you gave me, and I'm sorry!

Oh My God!

Ok, so this is gonna be me having a bit of a rant about a certain house mate! You are doing my head in! You're not thinking of anyone but yourself! You know none of us have much money yet you continue to have a bath everyday and insist on putting the heating on for ages, even after the house has warmed up plenty! You do all this knowing it's going to send our gas bill up and we're going to struggle to pay it! You also don't check who's going to be in when you plan on making a meal! You take the food out to defrost and then when you come to cook it THEN you find out whether we're in or not, therefore wasting food! And this morning, I get woken up by you're friend coming in and shouting up the stairs, granted she didn't know we were in bed, and it's not that which annoyed me, I post up that I got woken up and you have a go at me for stating this fact! ARE YOU A CHILD! I was stating something, I wasn't having a go at you or your friend! Don't have a go at me for nothing!

You wanna have a go?

Come do it to my fucking face! Don't hide behind the net!